


Isn't It Lovely?

by ZenyZootSuit



Category: Along With the Gods: The Last 49 Days (2018), 신과함께 | Along With the Gods: The Two Worlds (2017)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Betrayal, Dubious Consent, Established Relationship, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Forgiveness, Getting Together, Lack of Communication, M/M, Romance, Smut, because Haewonmak doesn't know their history for the majority of their relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:01:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24222460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZenyZootSuit/pseuds/ZenyZootSuit
Summary: King Yeomra promised them that if they could guide 49 consecutive souls to pass 7 trials in 49 days in 1000 years, they themselves would be reincarnated. Now they were close, so close, having just reincarnated their 47th consecutive soul. Haewonmak couldn’t fucking wait.
Relationships: Gang Rim/Haewonmaek
Comments: 18
Kudos: 38





	Isn't It Lovely?

**Author's Note:**

> Idk what this is I just had a craving for Haewonmak having sex with someone and that turned into a weeklong angst expedition. I definitely watched these films by dubious means and as such the subtitles were sketchy af, so some details (such as how long they have to reincarnate souls my subtitles kept switching between 100 and 1000 years) and whether or not the souls must be consecutive or not was a little lost in translation, so claiming creative license on details such as those.
> 
> Disclaimer: theirs is a shitty relationship. Despite how Haewonmak thinks of this, it is still a shitty relationship. Having been in a relationship similar to this, can confirm. If you find yourself in a relationship like this, break up with the bastard. I am in no way endorsing shitty relationships. This has been a PSA.
> 
> Title after the Billie Eilish and Khalid song, which is what I listened to while writing this (probably why it’s so angsty) 
> 
> Cheers!

*******

Haewonmak had not been able to believe his ears when he heard.

“Reincarnation?!” he cried, staring wide-eyed at Gang-rim.

“This whole time?” Deok-chun chimed in, hands clasped in front of her as she too stared at their captain.

Gang-rim nodded, face impassive.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Deok-chun asked quietly as Haewonmak half-rejoiced in their good fortune, half-sulked over being kept in the dark.

Something odd passed over the captain’s face at her question, but was quickly extinguished. “Our first soul swept us up before I got the chance in the beginning and we quickly lost the case. The next one we won, but the following soul we lost again and so began the frustrating pattern we have been stuck in for decades. It was all a bit demoralizing and I did not wish to burden either of you with it when our chances of accomplishing such a goal were slim to none.”

Haewonmak opened his mouth to protest that line of thinking but was cut off before he could speak.

“Regardless, I’ve told you now and we must do as follows: assist 49 _consecutive_ souls in passing 7 trials in 49 days over the course of 1000 years, and we will be allowed to reincarnate into whatever lives we choose.”

_“Whatever_ lives we choose?” Haewonmak gasped, immediately looking over at Deok-chun. The smaller girl squealed excitedly and Haewonmak pulled her into his arms and swung her around, grinning wildly as he glanced back at their captain.

Gang-rim looked, for a moment, almost sick.

*******

“49 souls, we can do it! It’ll be easy!” Haewonmak later boasted as he swaggered along beside their captain, Deok-chun prancing behind them.

“We have already been at this for 100 years,” Gang-rim replied solemnly, keeping a lookout for their next soul. “And we have yet to establish any kind of streak.”

“We were just getting warmed up!” Haewonmak threw his arm around Deok-chun’s shoulders and pulled her snuggly to his side while she looked up at him happily. “Now that we know the stakes, we’ll work extra hard. Won’t we, Deok-chun-ah?”

She nodded excitedly. Gang-rim turned to them, face blank.

“Are you implying that you took all of this somehow lightly before I informed you of the stakes?”

The smile melted off Haewonmak’s face as he opened and closed his mouth a few times, shocked. Finally he managed to stutter out, “That’s not—“

“You would do well to remember, Haewonmak, that these are _souls_ , not just jobs. They feel pain and fear as you and I do. Our work is not to be taken lightly.” And he turned and walked away, leaving Haewonmak staring after him, reaching out in an aborted attempt to call him back and rectify his poorly chosen words, shame curling hot in his chest.

Deok-chun bumped his hip gently. “It’s okay,” she said kindly. “I know what you meant.”

He nodded, not meeting her eyes, before following after their captain, thoroughly chastened.

So began their quest. And it was not, as Haewonmak had previously believed, easy. Not at all.

They got off to a bit of a rough start, immediately losing their next soul in the first trial.

“He was _never_ going to pass,” Haewonmak tried to console Gang-rim where they sat, dangling their legs off the side of the boat in the Hell of Indolence while Deok-chun sat behind them, reading over their next case. “It’s not your fault.” He placed a hand comfortingly over Gang-rim’s without thinking.

Gang-rim’s fingers twitched under his and he stared at their hands for a long moment, nearly long enough to make Haewonmak pull back and apologize before cooly replying “It is” and getting up. The warrior watched him go.

From there, it was a never ending pattern of win two souls, lose the next, then win three or even four before promptly losing the next two.

“This isn’t fair!” Haewonmak exclaimed where he sat in the dirt in the Hell of Deceit, pouting just a little. “How are we ever supposed to reincarnate 49 consecutive souls if they keep giving us unwinnable cases? 49 _total_ souls, maybe…”

“It is our duty,” Gang-rim said simply, staring out over the trees.

“It’s almost like we’re being played, tortured even—“

Gang-rim rounded on him, a look of fury and pain on his face. “And what would _you_ know of torture?!” he snarled before storming off, leaving a very confused Haewonmak in his wake.

That was they day they found out Gang-rim remembered everything from his previous life, his trials and punishment included, whereas Deok-chun and Haewonmak remembered absolutely nothing. But Gang-rim refused to say a word about his past life and became almost distraught when asked about his trials.

“Why doesn’t he want to talk about them?” Haewonmak wondered aloud to Deok-chun one day. “Talking makes everything better, right?”

“It must have been very painful and traumatic, whatever he went through…” Deok-chun murmured quietly. “And it’s not as if we can relate, can we? Remembering nothing as it is…I think it’s understandable why he doesn’t wish to speak of it.”

Haewonmak huffed and looked out over the sands of the Hell of Filial Impiety.

“Besides,” Deok-chun went on. “If talking makes everything better as you say, then you should tell him how you feel.”

Haewonmak froze solid. If a blush rose to his cheeks, he would blame the heat. “I don’t know what you’re talking about…”

“I think you do.”

He did, but he would rather take the trials than admit the truth to himself, let alone anyone else. The truth being of course…

The truth being that the first time Haewonmak had seen Gang-rim, he had thought he was the most handsome man he had ever laid eyes on (never mind that he was the only man Haewonmak could remember seeing at the time, given his unfortunate case of amnesia). That as they worked together, he had been drawn more and more to Gang-rim’s brilliance, his cleverness, his poise, and his rare and dry sense of humor. That he would do anything the captain asked with only mild complaining (and for him, that was saying something). That Haewonmak secretly did everything he could to get Gang-rim’s attention, training hard so he could pull off ever more complicated maneuvers in his quest to protect souls as they traveled between trials. Anything to have Gang-rim’s sharp gaze on him. Anything to…

His blush deepened and he said something teasing to Deok-chun to get her off the scent. She played along, pressing him no more, though she clearly did not buy a second of it.

As they went on, it became apparent that the issue of unwinnable cases was…not their only issue…

“Hey!” Gang-rim shouted at him, slapping his cheek with one hand while the other fisted in Haewonmak’s robes, pinning him to a tree in the Hell of Deceit as razor sharp vines swirled around them. “Pay attention! What was that, hmm?”

Haewonmak mumbled something unintelligible, shrinking under his captain’s furious gaze despite himself.

Gang-rim shook him. “Louder.”

“I lost my temper…”

“Again,” Gang-rim finished for him. “You lost your temper _again_.”

Something like shame curdled hot in Haewonmak’s chest as he curled in on himself, unable to meet Gang-rim’s eyes.

“Look at me.” When Haewonmak didn’t, Gang-rim grabbed him by the jaw and forced his head up. “Look at me! A soul is being punished now because you lost your temper and lost our case after you _begged_ me to take the trial. A real soul capable of feeling pain and despair, with memories, hopes, and dreams is now suffering because of your failure. I understand you’ve had trouble empathizing with souls in the past, and I have _tried_ to help you, but you _refuse_ to learn!”

Gang-rim let go of him then, stalking away and Haewonmak immediately missed his touch, however angry it had been. Even as he trembled with shame and fought to keep tears from his eyes, the tiny part of him that had soaked up the feeling of Gang-rim’s eyes on him, had yearned for _any_ kind of attention from the man, _ached_ for more.

The worst part was that Gang-rim was right. Haewonmak _had_ begged him for the opportunity to argue a case. The captain had been skeptical, reminding Haewonmak that the prosecutors they were facing had a reputation for scratching at him and perhaps he should wait until they were facing someone less formidable.

“I can do it!” Haewonmak had pleaded. “I’ve been paying attention, I’m expecting their attacks, I’ll be prepared for them!”

Gang-rim had regarded him for a long moment before relenting and the warrior had nearly melted into the hand placed on the nape of his neck as the captain wished him luck.

_I’ll make you proud_ , he had thought, daydreaming of winning the case for them and having Gang-rim’s stern but affectionate smile turned to him again.

But that was not how it had gone. Not at all.

As Haewonmak ripped himself away from the vines, willing a weapon into existence, he found he couldn’t even remember what it was that had set him off.

It had been that minor.

So he focused on the thing (the only thing) he was good at, which was protecting souls physically. And he wasn’t just good at it, he was perhaps better at it than even Gang-rim (but it never made any difference. Protecting souls rarely did anything to catch Gang-rim’s eye, no matter how flawless the execution of any given maneuver).

Even still, he trained and trained his way through the precious hours they had off before their next soul, past when Deok-chun came to find him and plead with him to get some rest, it wasn’t his fault (it was), that it happens (not to Gang-rim or you), that they would begin again in the morning. He trained until he could barely stand on his own two feet, and only then did he finally sit down. When he did, it was not to _rest_ as Deok-chun again pleaded with him to do, but rather to help her sort through what information she could see about their next case.

She agreed, albeit grudgingly

A short while later, footsteps approached and Haewonmak looked up, blinking against the harsh light of the sun peaking through the trees to see none other than their captain.

“Deok-chun ah, could you give us a moment?” Gang-rim asked, voice carefully neutral.

She hesitated for a moment, glancing at Haewonmak, before complying. The captain took the assistant’s place beside the other guardian, sitting down heavily beside Haewonmak before turning to speak.

“I wanted to apologize for my behavior last night.”

Haewonmak blinked at him, surprised, but did not speak.

“While everything I said was true, I should have said it more cordially and I should not have said it in front of Deok-chun. It was cruel of me to do such a thing in anger and for that I am sorry.”

…Did Gang-rim just… _apologize?_ Haewonmak was sure he’d been dreaming. He didn’t sleep…but he was most definitely dreaming.

He stuttered out a nod, accepting the apology as his brain short-circuited, all of his attention directed to the hand placed kindly on his shoulder. He leaned into it almost unconsciously, eyes fixed on Gang-rim’s face. Something odd passed over the captain’s face as he met Haewonmak’s gaze briefly, and the warrior felt an almost electric pull between them before the captain looked away, pulling his hand back. Haewonmak felt its absence acutely as the other man stood and gave him a quick smile. Haewonmak loved that smile.

“We pick up our next soul in an hour. Be ready to go.”

Something in Haewonmak ached to high heaven as he watched the other man walk away.

Their next run was better, though that only made it all the more frustrating in the end when their sixth soul failed the Violence trial. Haewonmak had managed to keep his mouth clamped shut for the entirety of the six souls’ trials, even fighting silently when necessary for fear of making another mistake (and give him credit because for someone who loved nothing more than to narrate most parts of his afterlife, it was _hard!_ ) so it wasn’t even his fault. In fact, it was nobody’s fault. The fact of the matter was that the soul was never going to pass that violence trial no matter how good Gang-rim was or how much Deok-chun could see.

So they began again.

And again.

And...again...

But within their endless cycle of burgeoning hope and endless frustration, something else changed and for the better, at least as far as Haewonmak was concerned.

Gang-rim, normally so closed off and serious, was warming to them.

He had taken Deok-chun under his wing, taking extra time to teach her everything he knew (again Haewonmak wondered who he had been and how long he had been a guardian before they came along, but deigned to remain silent). He became quite affectionate with her, by his standards at least, regularly sparing her smiles and patiently answering any of her questions in a quiet voice that so differed from the one he used in court.

And, much to the warrior’s delight, he seemed to genuinely enjoy spending time with Haewonmak. Any free moment they had, whether they were waiting to pick up a new soul or giving the soul a rest between trials, they would spar. Haewonmak may have been overall a more skilled warrior, but every now and again Gang-rim still got one on him and Haewonmak would find himself on the ground staring up at the sky with Gang-rim standing over him, a smirk on his face.

Haewonmak would almost venture to say that they became friends. Gang-rim even warmed to Haewonmak’s sarcastic and dramatic sense of humor, complementing it well with his own incredibly dry comments.

“Did he just…” Haewonmak stammered, thoroughly roasted as Deok-chun howled with laughter and Gang-rim sat there with a satisfied smile. “Did he just _joke?_ ”

Deok-chun nodded, nearly crying as she held her sides.

Haewonmak raised an eyebrow. “Oh, I see how it is. Of course you realize this means war, captain!”

“Does it now?” the man asked, chuckling himself.

“Uh huh,” Haewonmak confirmed, raising his sword theatrically. “Always remember that you started it.”

Gang-rim smiled at him a wide, genuine smile.

(Haewonmak…loved that smile…)

Finally, it seemed like things were going well for them. They even made it nine souls in on their next streak, and that was even with those two pesky prosecutors! (Gang-rim had been _slaying_ them in court, it was hilarious).

Haewonmak, too, was on a roll. Hell’s creatures had been particularly populous with this soul, so he had been busy (all the more opportunities to show off, so even he couldn’t complain too much). But they had made it to the last trial.

“Reincarnation number 10, here we come!” he singsonged as he trotted along behind Gang-rim, taking out the occasional creature that elected to attack them with simple swings of his sword.

“Don’t be so cavalier,” Gang-rim scolded him, though without much heat. “We are not there yet.”

They were almost to the last trial at the Hell of Violence when Deok-chun informed them that the case would not be an easy win. Their soul had been involved in a questionable fight before he died. Not even the Afterlife’s books could clearly state who was the perpetrator and who was the victim. They paused just outside the Hell for Deok-chun to take a seat and better pour over the details.

Haewonmak ran some drills while they waited, choosing dual blades because they were what he thought of first (and definitely not because Gang-rim was sitting nearby and Haewonmak knew he looked _hella_ good when he used them).

Part way through a drill, he felt Gang-rim’s eyes on him. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw that the man was indeed watching him train, his warm gaze roving up and down Haewonmak’s form. Tossing him a smile, Haewonmak upped the difficultly (and may have added just a touch of flare as well), egged on by the attention. After a series of flawlessly performed moves, he landed the last one —an unnecessarily complicated jump— perfectly, looking up at the captain as he caught his breath. The man was still watching him, a look of appreciation on his face and a distinct spark of heat in his eyes. Haewonmak felt it too, grinning at him and Gang-rim just might have smiled back.

Before either man could make another move, Deok-chun opened her eyes.

Gang-rim turned to her immediately. “Yes?”

She shook her head slowly, as sad look on her face as she regarded the soul. The fight had been his fault. Cut and dry.

They went in with their heads held high, prepared to put up a fight despite the odds being stacked against them _(they had been doing so well, too…)_ , when something odd happened. They had been standing there, listening to the charges and the prosecutor’s case when—

“While the fault in this case remains unclear, the actions the defendant took regardless of fault still merit a 5 year sentence in the Hell of Violence.”

None of them could believe their ears. _The prosecution had missed the detail proving it was the defendant’s fault._

Gang-rim jumped on it, immediately arguing that it was unjust to convict a soul on such grounds. “Because there is not enough evidence to establish a clear victim, we cannot condemn a soul that could very easily have been the victim himself. As such, the charges should be thrown out.”

The God of Violence had nodded, clearing the soul of all charges. Haewonmak had breathed a sigh of relief.

And promptly opened his big fucking mouth.

Similarly to the first incident, he couldn’t…exactly remember what all had been said. Only that the prosecutors had scratched at all of them, and that instead of merely walking away with a raised eyebrow or a wide smile like Gang-rim and Deok-chun, Haewonmak had to try and make his own clever comment. Whatever it was that he had said…

Well, it had tipped the God of Violence off to the detail the prosecutors had missed and Gang-rim had omitted, giving him cause to reopen the trial and promptly convict the half-reincarnated soul. The soul got triple the years he had originally been sentenced to.

Haewonmak could do nothing but stand there in horror, quaking in his boots while Gang-rim and Deok-chun tried desperately to salvage the case on the grounds that the soul’s fate had already been decided, to no avail. Not only was the soul convicted, but the three of them were given a three soul penalty on their quest for omitting evidence. Meaning they had to reincarnate an extra three souls before they could even begin their streak to 49.

Gang-rim had been _furious_.

“Deok-chun, go on ahead,” he said tersely. “Haewonmak, with me.”

Deok-chun had stammered as she tried to argue for Haewonmak, saying it was an accident, it wasn’t his fault, please let’s just all go cool off and then come back and talk about this—

_“Go on ahead_ , assistant guardian!” Gang-rim hissed, burning gaze fixed on Haewonmak. Hesitating only a moment longer, she obeyed.

The second she was out of sight, Gang-rim was on him.

“Does your pride know no bounds?” the captain spat in his face, grabbing him by the front of his robes.

Haewonmak nearly trembled. “I’m s—“

“ _Don’t_ say you’re sorry. You’re always sorry!” Gang-rim shoved him away before walking towards him to shove him again. “How many times now has your pompous need for attention cost a soul their reincarnation? Do you even understand what it is that you’ve done here?”

The captain shoved him a third time and Haewonmak stumbled, scrambling to his feet just in time for Gang-rim to be on him again, grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him.

“A soul. A _person_ who feels _pain_ and _fear_ is now down there, sentenced to be pummeled for fifteen years, never a moment’s rest nor a moment’s mercy because _you_ wanted to _one up_ those prosecutors! Can you even _imagine_ what that must feel like? To have had salvation in your grasp only to have it ripped away by a _fool?_ No, I don’t reckon you can, because you are _incapable_ of empathy!”

Haewonmak didn’t fight any of it as shame burned him alive and his eyes stung with unshed tears.

“You want my attention?” Gang-rim snarled, their noses almost touching. “You’ve got it!”

One last time he shoved him back and Haewonmak tripped, falling hard on his back. He made no move to rise again.

“Get up,” Gang-rim growled. Haewonmak gave no reply. “I said get up!”

Gang-rim grabbed Haewonmak by the front of his robes, no doubt with the intent to drag him to his feet, but underestimated both how heavy Haewonmak was and how rocky the ground was. Losing his balance, he fell hard atop the other guardian, half knocking the wind out of him.

Haewonmak coughed as his lungs spasmed, hands coming up to lift the other man off his chest just enough to get a breath in while Gang-rim regained his bearings after the sudden unexpected change in position. The warrior thought to push the captain off him entirely, but…

But the entire line of Gang-rim’s solid frame was pressed against his, from his chest to his thighs. Haewonmak could feel the muscles of his shoulders shifting under his hands and he had always known the captain’s weight on top of him would feel _so good_. Almost against his own will and certainly against his better judgement, he found himself pulling the man _closer_.

Gang-rim quickly recovered from the fall and pushed himself off Haewonmak’s chest. As he did so, his hip pressed firmly against the juncture of Haewonmak’s thighs, punching an involuntary moan out of the warrior’s throat.

Gang-rim froze, staring down at him, a look of utter disbelief on his face as Haewonmak stayed where he was, mortified but undeniably aroused from the prolonged contact.

“That’s what you want, then?” Gang-rim breathed, shifting and experimentally grinding his thigh against Haewonmak’s growing erection, eliciting another low groan. “This is what’s behind all of your pitiful shows?”

Haewonmak’s heart twinged in embarrassment, but he couldn’t stop himself from widening his legs and lifting his hips up into Gang-rim’s, white hot arousal bringing a flush to his face. Then the captain’s weight was on him again as Gang-rim shoved his clothed thighs apart and settled fully between them, grinding their hips together.

Gang-rim was hard too.

Haewonmak cried out, hands clutching desperately at Gang-rim’s shoulders before he was being pinned down by his wrists. The sensations were overwhelming. Gang-rim’s weight between his thighs, the harsh pressure and friction of their clothed cocks rubbing together, the captain’s hands pinning him, holding him down, Gang-rim’s forehead pressing to his collarbone.

The only sounds in the air were Haewonmak’s desperate moans and Gang-rim’s almost animalistic grunts as they rutted together like beasts. Haewonmak longed to reach for his captain, to pull his black robes from his shoulders and get his hands on bare skin, to wrap his arms tight around him, to have Gang-rim’s mouth on his, his hand on his cock, his cock inside him. He didn’t know where these desires were coming from, but gods how he _wanted—_

Haewonmak pushed against Gang-rim’s grip, whining softly, but the captain’s hold on his wrists was absolute. All Haewonmak could do was bury his face in the guardian’s hair and lift his hips to meet the man’s thrusts.

It didn’t last nearly as long as Haewonmak wanted it to. The roughness of their movements and the depth of his wanting brought him to his peak far too quickly, and his orgasm was practically _wrenched_ from him as he arched his back into it with a sharp cry. He moaned his way through the aftershocks, still lifting his hips to meet Gang-rim’s rough thrusts. Eventually the oversensitivity had him squirming in Gang-rim’s hold, but the captain paid him no mind, still chasing his own release.

Haewonmak whimpered, clutching the captain’s hips tightly between his thighs. “ _Gang-rim…”_

The other man lifted his head, pupils blown wide with lust then he was coming with a low groan, pressing the other man into the dirt as his hips stuttered into Haewonmak’s.

They stayed where they were for a long moment to catch their breath, Gang-rim still leaning over Haewonmak, his eyes closed. Haewonmak gazed up at him, unable to believe what had just occurred and anxious to see what would happen next.

“Gang-rim…” he whispered again.

The other man opened his eyes at the sound of his name and stared back down at the other guardian almost uncomprehendingly. Haewonmak met his eyes, tilting his chin up and parting his lips ever so slightly.

_Kiss me,_ he thought at the other man. _Kiss me…_

Gang-rim did not kiss him. Instead, Haewonmak watched as something like horror passed fleetingly over Gang-rim’s face and he stood up, straightening his clothes hurriedly and departed without word, leaving Haewonmak in the dirt spread out like a common whore.

Come cooling sticky and uncomfortable on his skin, Haewonmak lay on the ground for a long time trying to make sense of it (there was no sense to be made of it). If a single tear rolled down his cheek, well then there was no one there to see it.

When he dragged himself out of the dirt, his only motivation was not wanting Deok-chun to come looking for him and find him like this. Magicking away the mess and cleaning himself up, he shoved away his shame, embarrassment, and disappointment, telling himself he would act no differently in front of Gang-rim. It would be as if this had never happened. He would pretend they hadn’t just fucked in the dirt just outside the Hell of Violence and then Gang-rim had crushed his hopes without a second glance. It would be fine.

Fine…

But when he caught up with the other two again, it was not fine. He was late picking up the soul, to which Gang-rim scolded him, voice perfectly even like he hadn’t just pushed Haewonmak onto his back and ground their cocks together until they both came. But he wouldn’t look Haewonmak in the eye.

Haewonmak was just a little bit hurt.

On the boat cruising through the Hell of Indolence (the soul had been a hard worker, apparently) as Gang-rim was explaining the process to the soul, Deok-chun pulled Haewonmak aside.

“What happened?” she asked in a low voice, a hand on his arm. “Are you okay?”

Haewonmak nodded, not quite meeting her gaze. “Did he say anything?”

Deok-chun shook her head. “No, he…came back looking upset and said you’d be along…”

Haewonmak shrugged, and before Deok-chun could get in another word, those blasted fish and their gross-ass eyes were at it again, so he willed a weapon into existence and fought away the bitter sting of rejection.

They managed to reincarnate the soul, at least.

_No,_ Haewonmak thought dully. _Gang-rim and Deok-chun reincarnated the soul_. He swung his sword at a wayward monster without much effort. _I’m just protection._

Movement off to his right caught his eye and he turned to find Deok-chun standing there with a sad look on her face.

“Haewonmak, what happened? You’ve not been yourself. The captain hasn’t either…”

The warrior shrugged. “Nothing happened, Deok-chun ah. Just a lot of yelling and one or two things done but not meant...the usual…”

She didn’t seem to believe it (he wouldn’t have either, he hadn’t sounded very convincing). “Do you need a hug?”

Haewonmak nodded almost imperceptibly and soon found himself with an armful of assistant guardian. He hugged her back, burying his face in the top of her head and tried not to remember what Gang-rim’s hair had felt like on his face.

*******

They made it through their three penalty souls in quick succession and knocked out the next ten in record time, moving through each case with painful precision, set into their roles like stone. Gang-rim did the talking, Deok-chun did the researching, and Haewonmak kept his mouth shut. He no longer tried to show off (who was there to show off to? Deok-chun? The prosecutors? The thought made him want to vomit, and while he was always happy to try and do something crazy to make Deok-chun laugh…he didn’t much have the heart to do it without prompting). Each threat that came their way he dealt with with cool and calculating precision. Nothing flashy, nothing showy.

And he stayed away from their captain as much as was possible given they had to work together. (He was not bitter. He wasn’t. It was fine, everything was fine.)

Deok-chun hung back with him as they were finishing up their 11th soul in the Hell of Injustice, threading her arm through his as they trudged through the snow.

“I miss your jokes,” she said quietly.

He tried to think of one, just to make her smile, but couldn’t. “They weren’t that funny anyways,” he sighed, staring at the blocks of ice and the souls frozen in them. That one or two of them were there was his fault.

“I thought they were!” she protested. “And I miss watching you train. And bantering with you…I know you’ve been sad since whatever happened with Gang-rim and it’s okay to be sad. I just wanted to make sure you knew you can talk to me about what happened if you want, I won’t judge…and I don’t know if he said something and if that’s why you don’t joke anymore…but I love your jokes and your crazy moves. And I love you!”

She hugged him tightly around the waist. Haewonmak couldn’t help but smile as he hugged her back. “I love you too, Deok-chun ah,” he murmured, heart feeling a little less heavy.

*******

Some cultures regarded the number 13 as lucky. Other feared and avoided it at all cost and after they reincarnated their 13th soul by the skin of their teeth, Haewonmak would certainly agree they were lucky while also hoping to never come upon the number 13 again.

The last trial had come, and Gang-rim was stuck. Haewonmak had watched as he stalled, scrambling to come up with something to shake the prosecution’s unshakeable case. Deok-chun frantically searched for something, but came up empty. All the while, Haewonmak stood there, mouth shut as was expected of him since his last fuckup, wondering why no one had mentioned that one glaring detail the prosecution was banking on. The detail that made no sense. A huge hole in their story.

_Keep your mouth shut_ , he reminded himself. Quickly though, as the god reached for his gavel, he changed his mind. They were going to lose anyway, so what did it matter.

He spoke up. He pointed out the hole, as well as the prosecutors’ shoddy attempt at covering it up. And to his surprise, the god agreed with him. _And_ threw out the case.

_They won._

Deok-chun squealed happily, embracing him as they watched the soul grow brighter and brighter before fading entirely, successfully reincarnated.

“You did it, Haewonmak, you did it!”

Gang-rim was smiling at him, too. A small smile, but he was still smiling. When Haewonmak met his gaze, the other man nodded this thanks. It was the first time Gang-rim had looked him in the eye in the time it had taken to reincarnate 16 souls.

Deok-chun went on ahead to greet the next soul (Hell never slept because people never stopped dying), but Gang-rim stayed behind, alone with the warrior. Haewonmak waited for the man to say or do whatever it was he was contemplating as he stared at the warrior with an unreadable expression on his face. Then he stepped forward, one hand curling around Haewonmak’s waist while the other reached up to cup his cheek..

“Haewonmak…” he murmured and part of the warrior swooned at the sound of his name on the other man’s lips. He could barely believe his eyes as Gang-rim leaned closer, closer, and…

Kissed him.

Haewonmak forgave him in an instant. He whimpered, throwing his arms around the captain’s neck as he surged into the kiss. Gang-rim met his passion in a heartbeat, hauling Haewonmak against him.

The Hell of Betrayal wasn’t the worst Hell to fuck on the ground of. But Haewonmak could hardly call it “fucking” in good conscience. That is what they did, but it was too gentle, too…almost _loving_ for such a harsh word, though Haewonmak _refused_ to use a cheesier saying on principle.

Gang-rim had pressed him into the grass, carefully this time, showering him with kisses and touches and letting Haewonmak do the same for him.

It was _exquisite_ , the feeling of Gang-rim’s solid weight on top of him again, between his thighs. The feeling of his fingers and later his cock inside him (how long he had waited and how _worth it_ it was). Gang-rim was _good_ at sex. His rhythm was firm and smooth, his angle perfect as he draped himself over Haewonmak’s body, one of the warrior’s knees over his shoulder as Haewonmak clutched the captain tightly to him, one arm around his back and the other threaded through his hair, moaning as loudly as he dared.

He could only assume he’d had sex before when he was alive, but like everything else he had forgotten it, forgotten the pleasure, the feeling of another. It only made this all the better.

He came with the captain’s name on his lips.

Gang-rim kissed him before he left that time. Haewonmak took him by the sides of the face and kissed him back firmly, not wanting to let him go. When he had to, he consoled himself with the knowledge that this was _his_ now. Gang-rim _felt the same way_ , he just hadn’t admitted it for some reason that first time. He would get to have this again. He laid back in the soft grass and smiled up at the sky.

*******

Perhaps it had been fitting it had happened in the Hell of Betrayal, because betrayal is what Haewonmak felt.

*******

Haewonmak did not get to have that again. When he returned, Gang-rim was as cool and proper as he had ever been. _To hide it from Deok-chun_ , he thought, confused because she had guessed Haewonmak’s feelings for Gang-rim very early on. The captain must not have known that though, so Haewonmak respected his wishes and didn’t bring it up with her, didn’t make any allusion to what had happened between them. And he put up with Gang-rim’s cool, sharp demeanor towards him, thinking it would change the next time they were alone, and that he would be able to tell the captain they didn’t have to hide.

Only Gang-rim went out of his way to make sure he was never alone with Haewonmak.

The warrior pushed away the anxiety, resuming his old habits of joking and showing off —much to Deok-chun’s delight— but most of it was to hide the burgeoning fear at Gang-rim’s behavior towards him, to try and remind him _hello, I’m here...don’t forget about me..._

But it was as if the second night had never happened, to the point where a bewildered Haewonmak almost began to wonder if he had dreamt it.

But he hadn’t, he realized, though only when, after a particularly stressful 27th case, Gang-rim bid Deok-chun pick up the next soul alone as he had an errand to run with Haewonmak. The assistant guardian gone, Haewonmak had been about to ask the captain what the _hell_ was going on with him when he was turned around and pushed against the trunk of a tree somewhere in the Hell of Deceit, Gang-rim’s mouth on his throat and his cock pressed against his ass. Lust lit the warrior’s blood on fire and overrode every ounce of annoyance and confusion he felt. He responded immediately to the captain’s advances, letting him bite bruises into his skin while shoving his pants down to his knees. Let him hike up his robes and fuck him hard against the tree.

This time, it really was fucking that they did.

_We’ll talk after,_ Haewonmak told himself, the pleasure sparking up his spine making his back arch. _We’ll talk after and I’ll kiss him before he leaves._

But they didn’t talk after. Gang-rim evaded his questions like the good guardian he was, turning the warrior around in circles. And he didn’t kiss Haewonmak either before he departed.

Haewonmak didn’t follow for a long time, most definitely making himself late for the next case, but fuck that. Instead he lay down on his back in the dirt, staring up at the stars through the trees as razor sharp vines swirled around him, feeling entirely deceived.

*******

Despite his dissatisfaction with their arrangement, he ultimately decided to continue it. After many cases’ worth of turning slicing up Hell’s creatures into a meditative experience and pondering his options, he decided he would rather a physical relationship with the captain than nothing at all. He would rather have the feeling of Gang-rim pressed to his back, arms wrapped around his chest as they fucked away the stress of cases than not, so he kept on doing it.

Besides, every now and again, Gang-rim would strip him naked and fuck him face to face rather than just pushing his pants down and bending him over the nearest sturdy surface, would press his mouth gently to that spot just under Haewonmak’s jaw. His strokes would be deep and even but not rough as he made Haewonmak moan from something other than overstimulation. He would let the warrior hold onto him as he drew his orgasm from him slowly, until Haewonmak was begging for it, rather than simply wrenching orgasms from both of them through hard and fast stimulation. It still wasn’t exactly what Haewonmak wanted, but it was close and he lived for it.

_And who didn’t like a bit of rough sex after a shitty case anyway?_ he mused as he watched Gang-rim walk away after another rough session in a back corner by the Gate of the Afterlife, bruises bit into his shoulder blades and ass aching pleasantly.

So yes, he enjoyed their physical relationship and it was 100% his decision to keep engaging in it. But all the same...

All the same he still felt like he was missing something, yearning for something. That yearning would sometimes come close to being sated, like when Gang-rim would sit next to him on the ferry through the Hell of Indolence and they would just talk. Or not. Sometimes on their journeys through the Hells they wouldn’t speak at all, preferring to simply enjoy each other’s company.

Or on the lift out of the Hell of Injustice in the freezing cold. Deok-chun usually liked to look out over the Hell and point out all the “lovely” features to the souls. Guardians didn’t get cold, but Haewonmak would press himself to Gang-rim’s side anyway, driven by the craving he could not name. Gang-rim would wrap an arm around his back and draw patterns on the his shoulder as they listened to Deok-chun’s chatter. If Haewonmak could fall asleep, he would have.

Once even, walking through the fields of the Hell of Betrayal on the way to the Hell of Deceit, Deok-chun had been up ahead with the soul, a small child who had died in a car accident. (They were all quite offended that any charges had been brought against the child at all, much less the one of _lying to her mother about who took a bite out of dinner early_ , the prosecution had no shame. The god of Deceit would certainly throw it out, so they were taking their time showing the child all the nice parts of the afterlife)

Haewonmak had smiled after them despite himself, rambling on about how this was hell and they shouldn’t be enjoying it, they should reincarnate the soul and move on to the next. Seeing the child happy after such a terrible end though, he didn’t really mean it.

Gang-rim didn’t respond. Instead, much to Haewonmak’s utter shock, he simply reach over and clasped Haewonmak’s hand in his own, threading their fingers together. The warrior stared down at their joined hands before looking back up at Gang-rim. The captain’s eyes glinted and he pulled Haewonmak after the others. Haewonmak had held tight to his hand, not wanting to let him go.

Every now and again too, after Haewonmak would do an especially good job keeping them all safe, when he would help them out on a case, or even if he had just had a bad day, Gang-rim would approach him with a small smile and words of encouragement or gratitude before leaving him with a quick kiss on the cheek.

Those hit too close to home, so close to what he wanted, and they hurt. (Every time he leaned in, Haewonmak’s heart would jump in anticipation of finally having Gang-rim’s lips on his again).

Haewonmak often thought to grab him by the sides of the face and kiss him properly, but Gang-rim never wanted that for whatever reason (except for the part where he clearly did, where Haewonmak would catch him staring at Haewonmak’s mouth when they would fuck face-to-face, when they would stand close together he could see the longing, but Haewonmak wouldn’t force him to do it.)

This was enough, he told himself. Their physical relationship and Gang-rim’s subtle acts of affection were enough for him. There was more, so much more, that he wanted but this was enough.

(Except for all the times when it wasn’t, though Haewonmak was far too proud a man to admit to all the tears he cried over Gang-rim)

He didn’t know how Deok-chun figured it out (then again, he wasn’t very subtle) but she did. Gang-rim had left to pick up the soul alone, giving Haewonmak and Deok-chun a few moments to rest by the water in the Hell of Indolence, the soul’s first stop. The two guardians had taken their boots off and rolled their pants up past their knees and were now lying in the sand, feet in the cool water.

Deok-chun sat up after a while to bat away one of those blasted fish before turning to look at Haewonmak. “So…”

“Hmm?” Haewonmak hummed, not opening his eyes.

“You’re sleeping with Gang-rim.”

And Haewonmak promptly choked on his own breath, destroying any chance he had of lying.

Deok-chun chuckled. “Well that answers my question.”

Haewonmak shot her a look, sitting up as well, but remaining silent.

“You didn’t tell me…”

“It’s complicated.”

“Complicated how?”

He snorted softly, imagining telling her as she had once said he could.

_Well the first time I had sex with him, it was hard and fast and angry and probably not even real sex by a lot of people’s standards. He didn’t even kiss me, wouldn’t let me touch him. The second time he did though, and it was perfect and if I could dream I would dream about that. Since then it’s been the same hard and fast stress relief except for when it’s slow and sweet stress relief but he still won’t fucking kiss me and he won’t talk to me, and sometimes he acts like he loves me but most of the time it’s like we’re nothing more than a quick fuck to each other and that hurts, Deok-chun, and I should end it but that would hurt more and I just—_

“Just…complicated.”

Deok-chun sighed, looking over at him. “Are you happy, Haewonmak?”

The warrior sighed heavily, leaning back into the sand and staring up at the clear blue sky. “You know, Deok-chun ah?”

“Hmm?”

“I think after we get through our last ten souls, I’m gonna reincarnate as a fortune 500 owner.”

*******

They had made it to 47 out of 49 souls needed to reincarnate. Their dream was so close, Haewonmak could almost taste it. And their 48th soul was a paragon. This would be easy.

Except where it wasn’t. Except where the man had nearly as big a mouth as Haewonmak and nearly got himself ten years in Indolence, which was supposed to be their damn _vacation_ stop. Except for how the bastard’s brother died and became a _vengeful spirit_ , which made their journey just...

Well, Hell.

Gang-rim elected to refrain from reporting it to King Yeomra, instead going down to the human world himself to hunt it down and destroy it. He left Deok-chun in charge, reassuring her that she could do it, that if there was a serious problem, they were linked and he would still be able to help. That she wouldn’t be alone.

“Don’t worry, cap,” Haewonmak said smoothly, taking out a stray hell ghoul with a swing of his sword. “I’m here.”

“Oh no,” Gang-rim said, shutting that idea down immediately. “Do me a favor, if you have a thought, make sure to doubt it first. If it holds up, run it past Deok-chun.” He turned to the girl. “Correct him immediately.” And back to Haewonmak. “But aside from protecting Kim Ja-hong I don’t want you to think. We can’t afford any slips of the tongue in this case.”

Deok-chun gave him a sympathetic smile, but nodded all the same. Haewonmak fought to clamp down on the swell of shame for all his past mistakes, fixing his eyes on the ground. 

His gaze was brought back up at the touch of a hand on his shoulder. Looking up, he found Gang-rim regarding him with a kind smile.

“This is my wish,” he said gently.

_As always,_ Haewonmak thought, just a touch of resentment brewing potently in his chest. _And what about my wishes?_

_Just before the start of their 48th case, Gang-rim had pulled him close in the privacy of a back corner in the Hell of Indolence, one of their favorite spots. Had showered him with praise for his efforts in their 47th case, brushing his mouth over Haewonmak’s cheek, jaw, throat, pushing his clothes from his body and running his hands over Haewonmak’s skin. Had let the warrior clutch at his back and bury his face in his shoulder as the captain held one of his long legs around his waist, moving inside him with slowly, deep strokes. Had_ made love _(so much for refusing to use the term, there was no better way to describe it) to him so gently, so perfectly, that Haewonmak had found it within himself to beg for what he wanted more than anything._

_“Kiss me,” he whispered in Gang-rim’s ear. “Kiss me, please, just this once…”_

_Gang-rim had immediately pressed his mouth to the spot under Haewonmak’s jaw, making moan even as he leaned away._

_“No, no…” The warrior took Gang-rim’s face in his hands, leaning forward so their lips were a hair’s breadth apart. “Kiss me…” he repeated._

_Gang-rim had paused his movements, eyes fixed on Haewonmak’s mouth, an almost magnetic pull between them and Haewonmak had thought surely he would kiss him, surely…_

_Instead, out of the blue, Gang-rim pulled out of him only to spin him around so his front was pressed up against the tree they had been leaning against before driving in hard and fast._

_Haewonmak was_ furious _at the evasion, so much so he nearly shoved Gang-rim away from him or yelled at him to stop. But he didn’t. He had already been close to his peak, the kiss alone, had he gotten it, would have tipped him over the edge, and his restraint was no match for the sudden onslaught of harsh sensation. He came in a matter of strokes with a rough cry, Gang-rim following close behind him._

_Panting heavily, he stayed leaning against the tree even after Gang-rim pulled away to righten his clothes. Just as he heard the captain start to walk away, he spoke again._

_“Why won’t you kiss me?”_

_The captain stopped in his tracks._

_“You’ve been fucking me for how long now? 800 years?” Haewonmak breathed, staring ahead at nothing. “And you’ve only kissed me once. Why won’t you kiss me?”_

_He pushed himself to stand upright in all of his naked glory, turning and looking Gang-rim dead in the eye as he took a step towards him. The captain’s eyes roved over his body as he did, pausing briefly on the come tricking down the inside of Haewonmak’s thigh._

_The warrior thought to feel embarrassment or even shame, but didn’t._ Let him look.

_Reaching the other guardian, he took the man by the sides of his face, forcing him to look Haewonmak in the eye._

_“Do you just not like kissing? Hmm? Am I that bad or a kisser? Is that it? Why won’t you just say so?”_

_His breath ghosted over Gang-rim’s mouth and the captain wet his lips unconsciously, staring blatantly at Haewonmak’s mouth._

_“You want to. I can see it. And I want you to. So why won’t you? I’m right here. Just kiss me…” Gang-rim’s hands grasped Haewonmak tightly, possessively about the waist, pulling him impossibly close as the warrior wrapped one arm around his neck, threading the other hand through his hair. “Just kiss me…” he breathed again._

This time _, he thought, eyes slipping shut as Gang-rim leaned into him._ This time he’ll kiss me…

_But then he was being pushed away and left alone, as Gang-rim tore himself away, practically fleeing._

_What else could Haewonmak do but watch him go._

Gang-rim’s thumb stroked gently over his shoulder through the fabric of his robes, and Haewonmak wanted to hate his touch, but didn’t. Instead he leaned into it, same as he always had. And, meeting Gang-rim’s gaze again, he was met with the memory of fighting the hell ghouls on the boat, how Gang-rim had nearly fallen off, had barely made it back on. Of how he when his own strength had failed, he had relied on Haewonmak, as he always had, to keep them safe.

He was reminded of Gang-rim’s sharp cry of fear when one of the monsters almost had him. Of how many souls ago, one of the monsters _did_ get him, had struck him over the head and knocked him out cold. He had woken up in the captain’s arms, blood gushing from a remarkably small cut on his forehead, face and neck sticky with it. He had been regaining his bearings when he heard an odd sound, felt something dripping onto his face. They were the captain’s tears. It was the only time he had ever seen Gang-rim cry, and he was _sobbing_ , holding Haewonmak tightly as his hands fluttered uselessly over Haewonmak’s throat.

His eyes had been far away as he cried, nearly hyperventilating, “I can’t stop the bleeding, I can’t make it stop, please don’t leave me, _please,_ I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m so sorry—“

Haewonmak had been so stunned and became even more so when Gang-rim saw him with his eyes open and immediately dragged him into the biggest hug Haewonmak had ever received in his life.

“I’m okay…” Haewonmak had whispered, bewildered, wrapping his arms around the sobbing captain and rubbing his back gently. “I’m okay, it’s just a little cut. Head wounds bleed a lot, it’s okay…”

It had taken a lot of talking from both Deok-chun and Haewonmak to bring him back to the present and away from whatever he was remembering. Exactly what that was he refused to say, leaving to clean the blood off his hands not long after, embarrassment stiffening his frame. Haewonmak had tried to talk to him later, but had been rebuffed.

Haewonmak was reminded of the smiles and jokes they had shared through the years, of all the times they had one-upped the prosecution and Gang-rim had turned to him with that triumphant twinkle in his eye to share it with Haewonmak first.

He was reminded of the myriad of reasons why he put up with Gang-rim’s shit…

And Gang-rim put up with his, too, didn’t he?

Put up with his temper and the multitude of mistakes he made because of it. The years had not cooled that legendary monster no matter how much Haewonmak tried to calm it. Gang-rim tried very hard to teach him how to control the anger and bitter frustration that often threatened to overwhelm him at the slightest provocation, offering him alternatives to blindly lashing out. And when all that failed, Gang-rim would sit there and simply listen as Haewonmak raged and scratched, never batting an eye, until Haewonmak had calmed down enough to deal with it.

In one especially bad incident Haewonmak, stressed after getting a reprimand for a bit of bad conduct towards another guardian, had picked screaming at Gang-rim for his stress relief. The poor man had just come back from a meeting and was entirely blindsided by the distraught warrior hurling insults and criticisms at him. But he said nothing, simply staring at Haewonmak until the warrior raged himself out and practically fell into Gang-rim’s arms whispering, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, it’s just so much and I...”

“It’s alright. I know.”

Gang-rim had let Haewonmak hug him as long as he wanted. And he always forgave Haewonak when he fucked up, always. (And he fucked up often...which was probably why he was asking silence of him now).

The warrior pressed his lips together in a tight line.

It was shitty. The physical aspect and general lack of communication in their relationship was shitty and Haewonmak really ought to put a stop to it until Gang-rim would agree to just sit down and _talk_ , but…

But everything else…

Haewonmak had fallen in love with him for a reason.

He saluted shakily, agreeing to remain second in command to Deok-chun.

_We talk after this_ , he thought at the man as he walked away.

*******

The case was not easy. There were more potential victims than Gang-rim had originally bargained for, and they needed his help quite a bit.

As he had promised, he kept his mouth shut (except for the bit where he let the cat out of the bag over the soul’s brother being a vengeful spirit and all, his bloody temper really did know no bounds…). But other than that he kept his mouth shut, protected the soul, and carried Deok-chun after she passed out several times from the strain of linking with Gang-rim.

It was the final trial, and they were losing. 47 souls done, and they were losing.

“Let’s just cut our losses!” Haewonmak begged Deok-chun because she was going to _throw away their chance at reincarnation_. “What’s another thousand years? We’re better off in the afterlife anyway!”

But she insisted. And Gang-rim was down in the world of the living, screaming for Haewonmak as he fought the incredibly powerful vengeful soul alone. Of course Haewonmak went to him. Of course he fought for him, risked his safety for him. Of course he did.

But in the end, thanks to their eventually subdued vengeful spirit they won the case in a twist of events not even Haewonmak could have dreamt up. And things only got stranger from there. First there was Gang-rim’s wild claims that Haewonmak had been down to the living world against orders (um, no, he had been up to his eyeballs in hell ghouls and considering the soul and Deok-chun were still in one piece, that alibi held up). Then he was talking about taking the former _vengeful spirit_ to the afterlife to be _tried_.

“Vengeful spirits can’t go through the gate!”

“Take him directly to Yeomra in the Hell of Filial Impiety.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

But Gang-rim was already gone.

The soul looked back and forth between Haewonmak and where Gang-rim had stood, entirely too cavalier given his precarious position.

And it was precarious. Hell did not appreciate the vengeful soul in its midst, and neither did Yeomra.

The King of the Afterlife had always unnerved Haewonmak, especially when his ire and booming baritone was directed at _them_ , which is was. Mostly it was directed at Gang-rim for misusing his service weapon and disobeying the rules of the afterlife, but Haewonmak was sitting next to him, so…

Gang-rim pled for the chance to prove the vengeful soul’s wrongful death, going so far as to say—

“We will risk our guardianship if we cannot prove the soul’s wrongful death.”

Haewonmak stared over at Deok-chun. _Back me up here, has he lost his mind?_

Until she bowed, vowing “We will accept any punishment!”

Haewonmak fell forward himself with a miserable whine.

“Is there a problem, Haewonmak?” the King boomed.

“I’m simply so moved,” he sighed out, gazing up at Gang-rim unhappily. “Moved to my knees. Of course I’ll accept. It’s our duty after all.”

_The things I do for you._

_You’re lucky I love you, Gang-rim._

The captain did not even look at him, accepting his and Deok-chun’s deference and support as a given.

(Haewonmak’s forgiveness, his presence, their continued relationship, all as a given...)

Pain and something that almost felt like betrayal curdled in Haewonmak’s chest as every negative thing about their relationship, every time Haewonmak had ever felt slighted or ignored suddenly bubbled to the surface.

_Sometimes you take advantage of that love, don’t you..._

There was a catch, because of course there was. Down in the living world, there was a soul being protected by a household god. Many guardians had been sent to ascend him, all unsuccessful. They would have to ascend him in the span of 49 days and eliminate the household god or else they would forfeit their reincarnation. Gang-rim agreed to it without asking them, gambling away their futures without even sparing them a glance.

And just like that, Haewonmak’s patience ran out.

Gang-rim turned to him, face impassive. “His true form will be contained in a pot,” he said. “Break it and—“

_As much as I have loved you, Gang-rim,_ Haewonmak thought, displeasure coloring his features. _I am just about done with you._

“I hope this will be your last order,” he growled, standing to his full superior height as he looked down at the captain, watching as something pained flashed over the man’s features. “And that this will be our last 49 days. I want my reincarnation.” He turned to leave. “Come, Deok-chun. We go with a smile…”

“Haewonmak...”

The guardian turned less at the sound of his name and more at the anxiety and desperation in the voice that said it. He found Gang-rim staring back at him, face quickly schooling into his normal impassive one, though his posture remained tense and his eyes…fearful?

“We’ll talk…after this?”

_After 800 years? Too little too late_ , he thought dully. _Clear your conscience right before we all reincarnate and forget everything anyway?_

Still, he nodded once, and Gang-rim smiled, just a little, genuine affection in his eyes.

Haewonmak’s heart ached as he walked away.

_Too little too late._

*******

From there, nothing went as it was supposed to, but then again when did it ever?

They ended up having to make a deal with the household god due to him being stronger than even Haewonmak. There was also the part where _he was the guardian who had ascended them_ and _he knew who they had been._

Shit hit the fan from there when he agreed to tell them their stories.

At first he was thrilled. A warrior he had been, who had always worn white fur around his neck, explaining why his neck always felt naked and why he preferred high necked robes (and why he loved Gang-rim’s mouth on his throat, his face pressed to it). But then Seong-ju told him what he had done. And who he had done it to.

He had walked the city for hours after that, first in denial _(I would never do that to Deok-chun!),_ then in fury at the god for ruining his afterlife _(he took my best friend away from me!)_ before finally collapsing in a back alleyway and sobbing hysterically, _hating_ himself.Deok-chun wouldn’t look at him or speak to him for the entirety of the next day, even as the household god pleaded with them to wait for the end of the story, even as Haewonmak begged her for a chance to talk before succumbing to his legendary temper and yelling at her that they weren’t the same people they were back then.

Leave it to him to make everything worse.

_If I can’t fix this, at least we will be reincarnated soon,_ he told himself. _And all of this will go away._

But he didn’t know what “worse” was.

In the end, it seemed Deok-chun had forgiven him for his sins and he had redeemed himself by sacrificing his life for the children’s (those he had made orphans) safety. Deok-chun had looked over at him at that point in the story, smiling after a long moment. Haewonmak had never felt so relieved.

The household god died before he could tell them who the mysterious warrior was who killed Haewonmak and Deok-chun, leaving so many of their questions unanswered.

The next morning, they sat on the porch after another failed attempt (not that they had tried very hard) to ascend the soul of the grandfather, contemplating how in the span of a little over a month their whole afterlives (a thousand years of them!) had been turned upside down.

That’s when Haewonmak had seen it.

The boy had been practicing his writing by copying down all the names in Seong-ju’s stories, and Haewonmak just happened to be looking at the book upside down.

The mysterious Milgnag, read backwards and try to understand it, the household god said, was actually…

Haewonmak’s breath quickened to the point Deok-chun looked up at him to see what was wrong. He ignored her question at first, reading it over and over because it had to be wrong, it had to be wrong…

“Look at things backwards and it will all make sense…” Haewonmak stuttered out, head swimming.

_It had to be wrong, it had to be wrong…_

“Gang-rim…” she read aloud, every ounce of color draining from her face.

_Gang-rim’s hands holding him down in the sand, Gang-rim’s chest pressed to his back as they fucked, Gang-rim’s mouth on his throat and jaw as they made love, that one time how his lips had felt on Haewonmak’s own._

Haewonmak turned and stumbled one, two step before he fell to his knees and vomited.

_You liar…_

Bile stung his nose as he coughed, eyes watering, feeling _filthy._

_You used me…_

Deok-chun was kneeling by his side, wiping the mess from his lips and pulling him into her arms, petting his hair gently as she shushed him, though in reality she was the one crying. Haewonmak was too in shock to do much of anything.

_Every smile, every touch, every gesture, every time he’d buried his face in the captain’s neck and thought I love you I love you—_

“It’s going to be okay…” Deok-chun whispered through her tears. “You’re okay, it’s going to be okay…”

Haewonmak trembled in her arms.

*******

They decided Deok-chun would confront him and Haewonmak would follow after.

“You don’t have to,” Haewonmak said, wiping a stray tear from Deok-chun’s cheek (he had always treated her like a little sister, but she had been practically his surrogate daughter in life…) “I can do it.”

“I have to hear his side first,” she said shakily. “I…I can’t believe…I just have to hear his side.”

So he let her go, let her get whatever closure she wanted ahead of him because the next time Haewonmak stood in front of his former lover, he was going to knock him out, no questions asked.

When he emerged in the Hell of Murder a bit later, he found Deok-chun’s face wet with tears as she stared after Gang-rim. He pulled her in close to his body as they followed at a distance and she leaned into him for support.

They hid up on a ridge to watch the trial, to see what would become of their positions as guardians and their chances of reincarnation (that’s right, after everything, if Gang-rim lost this trial, they would all have to live with this terrible knowledge forever. Emotions were running high, so they stayed out of it).

The man stood in the center in his distinctive black robes, and Haewonmak could hardly stand to look at him.

_How did you do it?_ he wondered. _How did you manage to look at me, let alone kiss me and sleep with me, let alone_ many many times _, knowing what you did and what you were hiding from me?_

_The household god said you never saw me as a brother. From the sound of it I didn’t see you as such either, but what if I had? Do you think then I have engaged in this relationship with you? You hid that from me. Were you afraid I wouldn’t if I knew? Of course you were._

Every single touch, he could remember every single one…

_You murdered me and you still…_

Mere months ago, how close they had pressed together. How _good_ it had felt (it made Haewonmak sick now). How he had _begged_ for a kiss (a kiss, a simple _kiss_ , he should have left him ages ago) and had been denied. How he had loved him…

He shuddered.

Gang-rim had brought a _still living soul_ as a witness. Haewonmak recognized him as the man the vengeful soul had been trying to kill.

_I almost got crushed by a truck for you, you little shit._

But the man was rather tight lipped about his involvement in the vengeful soul’s death, which was going to be more than a little bit of a problem. Gang-rim had also elected to bring _King Yeomra_ as a witness. What he intended to do, Haewonmak had no idea (he only cared so he could forget all this).

Deok-chun leaned over and mentioned the vengeful soul’s comment about him not being the real one on trial, and that much appeared to be true.

“When I first met King Yeomra,” Gang-rim began in response to the prosecutor’s claim that the witness did not know the soul was still alive when they buried him. “I was dying after committing murder and you offered me guardianship. Do you remember what you said?”

Yeomra scowled at him, reluctantly answering. “ _Your sins are grave. Hence your memories will remain intact, while I will erase those of these poor souls.”_

Haewonmak seethed. _What right did you have?_

_“If you can reincarnate 49 consecutive souls in a millennia with these two souls you killed, I will reincarnate you in any form you choose and I will erase your memories. Do you accept?”_

Gang-rim’s eyes were red as he nodded. “And why did you force me to live out a millennia of pain and suffering? Please tell this to the witness.”

“ _How dare you!_ ”

Haewonmak was not even in Yeomra’s line of fire, but he still shivered.

“Was it to pay for my sin of killing an innocent girl and the man my father took in?” Gang-rim went on, and so many conflicted emotions roiled in Haewonmak’s chest, _so many things Gang-rim hid from him,_ he couldn’t bear to think on it. “I would like this to be confirmed for the witness.”

Yeomra slammed a hand down on the table in fury at the captain’s line of questioning. “ _I gave you time!”_

“Correct, you gave me a millennium to pay for my sins and beg them for forgiveness.”

The King fixed him with a hard stare. _“And did you?”_

“No sir.” As Gang-rim spoke, his voice shook. “I did not. In my shame could not. And so I have lived out every day with guilt and pain while having them by my side.” Something that almost sounded like a sob caught in his throat. “ _While being in love with one of them._ ”

Deok-chun’s hand was on Haewonmak’s back, rubbing gently and shushing him. It was only then that the warrior realized he was crying.

_Love me? How dare you. How dare you…_

Yeomra lifted his chin. “And do you truly believe that will absolve you of your sins?”

“No,” Gang-rim breathed. “No, in fact my conduct towards them has only intensified my sins. Long have I known this and still I have neither done nor said anything, all to hide from my own guilt on the matter.” The captain turned to the witness. “I ruined a wonderful thing running from the things I did. I was given opportunities to fix it and I did not take them. Now I cannot expect the one I love will ever forgive me, and I will have to live with that.”

The prosecution cleared his throat. “This is just heartbreaking, but what does it have to do with the case of Kim Su-hong?”

Gang-rim’s eyes flared. “I offer this experience for consideration by our witness, Lieutenant Park. My time is up, my opportunities gone. Yours are not.”

The witness quaked in his seat, clearly overwhelmed by his surroundings and the dead man standing in front of him, mouth clamped shut.

“You have the chance right here and right now to rectify your crimes, to ask for forgiveness from the one you harmed. All you have to do is admit to it.”

Shivering despite the heat, the soldier shook his head, tears of terror soaking his cheeks.

Gang-rim appeared to take a quick breath, and went on, pressing King Yeomra to speak about the death of his father in battle, which enraged the King.

“ _Speak the truth, not how you wish to remember it!_ ”

So Gang-rim did. He spoke of leaving his father to die on the battlefield, suffocate under a pile of corpses (much like the vengeful soul being buried alive) out of fear and jealousy.

“The worst part of these thousand years,” Gang-rim said, voice shakier than Haewonmak had ever heard it. “Has not been the torment of my own making. Indeed I could have rectified that at any moment I chose. No, it has been the things I couldn’t fix. It has been not being able to _beg_ my father for forgiveness, not being able to have the opportunity to _be_ forgiven by him, not that I could have expecting such a thing. So I beg of _you_ now, Park Min-su! Do not make my mistakes! I did not save your life, breaking the rules of the Afterlife and jeopardizing my position simply to keep you alive. I did it to give you more time and your time is running out!”

Indeed, the soul would be returned soon.

“Did you, or did you not know Kim Su-hong was still alive when you buried him, and by proxy did you or did you not murder him?”

To Haewonmak’s utter surprise, the soul nodded. Nodded, and begged for forgiveness, which the vengeful soul readily gave.

Living soul gone back to the living world and vengeful soul successfully reincarnated, Haewonmak watched as Gang-rim stood in the center, having just reincarnated their 49th consecutive soul and secured their reincarnations and the end to his own pain. He did not look happy, only exhausted and regretful.

Haewonmak didn’t know how to feel.

*******

All three of them went to ascend the old man’s soul, their last duty before their reincarnation. Haewonmak thought to say something to Gang-rim as they stood there, but he couldn’t even bring himself to look at him let alone speak to him. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Gang-rim staring at him hesitantly, longingly, but he made no move.

Listening to Deok-chun speak the man’s name once, twice, the only thing he could think was _we never got to talk…_

_What more was there to say?_ he wondered.

_It’s for the best_ , he told himself.

But he didn’t believe it.

He turned when Deok-chun stopped just before completing the man’s given name for the third time, her voice shaking. Gang-rim, who stood between them, was gazing at him openly with a look of agony and adoration, a single tear running down his cheek.

Deok-chun couldn’t speak the words, and neither Haewonmak nor Gang-rim wanted her to.

And that’s how they ended up standing there, watching the old man walk his grandson to his first day of school, deciding to give him until the boy graduated high school and could support himself. Haewonmak stood with Deok-chun a few feet in front of Gang-rim as they watched. Haewonmak still couldn’t think of what to say to him, didn’t even know if he ever wanted to speak to him again.

“Do you think you can ever forgive the captain?” he asked Deok-chun in an offhanded tone, hiding his indecision.

“You once said I wasn’t the same girl I was a millennium ago,” she said, giving him a small smile. “I bet you won’t though…”

He glanced back at the captain who, upon hearing them discussing him, was looking at them with a hopeful, urgent expression on his face. Turning back, Haewonmak sighed heavily.

“I really don’t know…” he murmured, not two minutes before he was walking towards him, ignoring Deok-chun’s knowing little smile (long had she known that the best way to get him to do something was to bet him he wouldn’t do it).

Gang-rim couldn’t seem to decide if he wanted to look Haewonmak in the face as he approached or down at the ground.

“Can we talk?”

“Yes,” Gang-rim said immediately, looking up to meet his gaze.

_Every smile, every touch, every gesture and look of genuine affection... Haewonmak couldn’t accept that it all meant nothing._

The warrior stared down at him —at the man who had killed him— and still couldn’t think of a goddamn thing to say. So he said as much.

“I’ve been trying to think of something to say to you…and I can’t think of a damn thing. I have no _fucking_ idea where to start...”

Gang-rim looked so small where he stood half curled in on himself in front of him, such a contrast from how he usually held himself. The sight both pained and angered the warrior.

“I heard what you said at the trial,” Haewonmak said suddenly. “We were up on the ledge watching. We heard everything. So I guess let’s start there. Did you mean what you said?”

“Yes,” Gang-rim said immediately.

“And why should I believe you after you lied to us for a thousand years?”

Gang-rim bit his lip. “…Would you like the guardian’s answer or the lover’s answer?”

Haewonmak _seethed_. “We are _not_ lovers,” he snapped. “Not anymore.”

The captain nodded quickly, looking away from him. “Of course... Honestly….you shouldn’t believe me. You would be wise not to. I have done absolutely nothing to prove myself worthy of your trust. I can hardly expect to gain it back now with one confession.”

_He’s right there._

_“Why!_ ” Haewonmak hissed, chest aching as _finally_ he had the chance to get answers. “Why would you lie to us? _To me?_ You chose a thousand years of pain and guilt by your own words rather than...than—“

“Than risk losing you?”

Haewonmak was stunned into silence.

Gang-rim’s mouth twitched in a pained smile. “Forgive me for interrupting you—“

“You would ask my forgiveness for interrupting me, but not for the multitude of sins you’ve committed?”

The captain huffed a nervous laugh. “I suppose that is silly...Though in truth I do not deserve your forgiveness, neither yours nor Deok-chun’s, but especially yours. It would almost seem an insult to you to ask for it without first offering you something in the way of answers…though not excuses, because I have none.”

He was so convincing, Haewonmak wanted to believe him, with his whole heart he did, but his heart was biased.

“The truth is this,” Gang-rim went on, trying to meet his eyes but largely unable to. “I did not tell you both at first because I am, at my core, a coward and a fool. I was afraid of passing a thousand years with no one but two souls who despised me for company, and even in death I looked down on you both, so I deemed the pain and guilt of leaving you in the dark the lesser of two evils, though in reality it was the lesser of two discomforts for me, but even in that I was wrong. I was wrong because you are both… _wonderful_ people. Intelligent, witty, clever, fun-loving…you were both very easy to grow to like in a way I could only wish I had while I was alive.”

His eyes were far away as he continued to speak. “Now I had two friends to lose. I thought to tell you, knew it was the right thing to do, but made the conscious decision not to do it. Then…” he trailed off.

“Then what?” Haewonmak breathed.

Gang-rim’s eyes were red rimmed, and he looked away from Haewonmak completely. “I…do not have the right to—“

“Say that you love me?” Haewonmak finished for him.

The captain looked up at him, and nodded slowly.

Haewonmak shook with pain and anger. “You’re right, you don’t have any right to say that to me. Least of all in the middle of a fucking _trial,_ not even to my face but in the middle of a trial…”

“Haewonmak—“

“Yes, I knew you were talking about me! ’I’m in love with one of them’ who else would you have been talking about, Deok-chun?” he raged. “And why should I even trouble myself with such an outrageous claim given that you treated me like an afterthought for 800 years? What is there to prove that you didn’t just say that as fuel for your case?"

Gang-rim shook his head, clear regret slumping his normally strong shoulders. “As I’ve said, I can offer you no reassurance but my own, which is worthless. All I can do is promise you that I am and will continue to tell the truth in response to anything you ask me. You can do with my answers what you will.”

_Well, he didn’t reincarnate 49 consecutive souls by being bad with words_.

“Say I believe you then,” Haewonmak conceded. “For the sake of argument.”

The captain nodded and continued. “I chose not to tell you and Deok-chun the truth, chose again to keep myself comfortable, and then I turned around and fell in love with you.”

Haewonmak raised an eyebrow.

Gang-rim seemed almost wistful, a strange look on him. “That was quite literally how it went as I recall. I remember you and your talent for shows, I knew how you felt about me, but I didn’t let myself consider it because of all I was hiding from you, because of our history when we were alive. Then there was that one soul with the _gayageum_ , do you remember?”

Haewonmak did.

Gang-rim chuckled softly at the memory. “We were stuck waiting for the ferry —there was a plague going on if I remember correctly and there were lines everywhere— so he picked up his instrument and started playing it. He was good at it, too. Souls, guardians, everyone was dancing. Someone had already swept away Deok-chun, so you came to me and you didn’t even ask, you just grabbed my hand and then we were dancing. I couldn’t remember the last time I had danced and those days, all I did was remember…

“Anyway, I’m not sure how long we danced for before—“

“I dropped you in the lake.” Yes, Haewonmak remembered that well.

Gang-rim nodded with a smile. “Yes, you did, you danced me right off the edge of the pier and it was very cold. And very wet. Both of the things I hate.”

Haewonmak’s mouth twitched into a tiny smile. “I thought you hated me after that.”

The captain shook his head. “Quite the opposite. I was not pleased, certainly, but then you were pulling me out and apologizing, but you could barely speak because you were laughing so hard—“

“It was funny.”

“It was. And I couldn’t remember the last time I had _so much fun_ , and then…then I saw _you_ , your smile, and I realized…how _wrong_ I had been about you in life. Or, in many cases, right. I feared you were a better man than me and by gods, I was right. But that was when…when I learned who _you_ were and I…well, and that was it for me, I was done for.”

Haewonmak trembled. “That was a full hundred years before…”

“Yes. Yes and I spent those hundred years at war with myself. I wanted to tell you, but now I feared to lose you even more. I shuddered to think that any one time I would see your smile might be the last…so I delayed and delayed. Everyday I told myself ‘tomorrow I will tell them’ and I never did.”

Affection, genuine affection bloomed in Haewonmak’s chest until he remembered himself, yanking himself out of the story. “Cute,” he hissed. “Now let’s get on to the part where you rationalize using me for sex while refusing to kiss me and making me subsist on barebones affection for 800 years!” He grinned humorlessly. “Go on.”

The smile that had materialized itself at the good memory slid from Gang-rim’s face. “For that I have no excuses, no rationalizations. Selfishly I wanted you. And contrary to popular belief, I have terrible self control. If I was to remain a coward, the most honorable thing I could have done would have been to never start anything, but I wanted you and I loved you, and it...happened as it did so I told myself just this once. Then it was over and I knew I had done a terribly wicked thing, but rather than fall to my knees and beg your forgiveness then and there I ran because it was easier. On me, it was easier.”

“And then?”

“And then instead of again telling you the truth I entered myself into a vicious cycle of wanting you, loving you, but understanding what a terrible thing it was that I was doing. Guilt drove me to push you away, but I couldn’t let you go.”

His face had gone blurry as Haewonmak’s eyes filled with tears. “Do you have any idea…” the warrior whispered. “How much you hurt me?”

“No,” Gang-rim whispered, voice thick with tears. “No, but I know that you would be well within your rights to never speak to me again. To never want to see me again—“

“I hate you.” The words were out of Haewonmak’s mouth before he even realized he had spoken them.

Gang-rim flinched _hard_. “…That too…is within your rights and I don’t think poorly on you for it—”

Haewonmak shook. “You’re a liar.”

“I am.”

“You used me. You said you were charged with all seven mortal sins in life, then you turned around and committed half of them against me in death.”

Gang-rim stared off into middle distance, resigned. “I did…”

“You couldn’t… _even tell me_ you loved me to my face!”

“I’m sorry…” the captain barely breathed, tears dripping down his cheeks.

“I thought you said you weren’t worthy of my forgiveness.”

“I’m not…” Gang-rim agreed, voice shaking. “I’m not. I’m not a good man and I can’t even say that I tried. For a thousand years all I tried to was hide from my pain where I should have faced it head on and sought to right my wrongs. I was given a second chance and I squandered it all because I couldn’t bear to see you hate me, couldn’t bear to lose you, but I did anyway because I did not tell you the truth. I wasn’t lying when I said I love you, Haewonmak, and I recognize that I ruined what could have been a wonderful thing. I will exist the rest of my days regretting that…”

“But you won’t,” Haewonmak growled. “Because as soon as we ascend that soul—“ he pointed to the grandfather waving his son off to school. “All of this goes away. All of it. We all get reincarnated and our memories get wiped and _goodbye pain and guilt!_ ”

Gang-rim blinked, and a few more tears rolled down his cheeks. “Not anymore…not for me anyway…”

Haewonmak stared. “…What?”

“I didn’t fulfill my end of the bargain. For you two, you had to reincarnate 49 souls with me, but for me, I had to seek to right my wrongs, and I refused to do that. In fact, I only made them worse by hiding from them, as I did in life. A thousand years and I have not changed. So I did not earn release from my memories and as such I have asked King Yeomra to let me keep them to atone for the new set of sins I have accumulated. He agreed.”

Haewonmak couldn’t believe it. “…Why?”

“Because I regret it!” Gang-rim half-shouted, half-cried. “I regret every single time I thought to tell you but didn’t. Every time I had those words ‘I know who you were and what happened to you’ on my tongue but refused to say them. I regret every time I wanted to kiss you and tell you I loved you, but I didn’t! Forgive me, Haewonmak, forgive me. I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry—“

Haewonmak couldn’t stand it a second longer. Before he could think twice he took the man’s face in his hands and kissed him. On the mouth. Like he had wanted to for so long.

Gang-rim melted into it, kissing him back with the all passion of 800 years. The kiss tasted of salt from their tears, but it was everything he had ever hoped it would be.

Haewonmak broke the kiss before he could lose himself in it (and in front of Deok-chun no less, who was only pretending not to pay attention to them).

Gang-rim stared back at him uncomprehendingly, tears soaking his cheeks and Haewonmak’s hands. “You…” he stammered. “Does this mean you…”

“No,” Haewonmak replied sternly, though without much heat. “I’ve just wanted to kiss you for 800 years and I’m not going to deny myself any more. But it doesn’t mean I forgive you.”

Gang-rim nodded, understanding, hands still resting gently on Haewonmak’s waist and the warrior couldn’t help himself. He pressed their lips together again briefly, but firmly.

He would never tire of kissing Gang-rim.

“Not yet, anyway…” he added.

He pulled Gang-rim into a hug then and the captain sagged into his arms, trembling with relief as he wrapped his arms tightly around the warrior’s back, whispering apologies and promises to do better into Haewonmak’s chest.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry… I don’t know how to make up for this but on all I have left I will try, I swear it…”

Haewonmak pulled back just a little and tipped Gang-rim’s face up. “I love you.”

“I love you,” Gang-rim said back, a fresh wave of tears pouring down his cheeks. “I love you, I love you…”

That time, Gang-rim leaned up to kiss him, and the warrior let him, arms wrapped tightly around his neck.

When they broke apart, Haewonmak refused to let him go, pulling him back into a hug and resting his cheek on the top of Gang-rim’s head. The captain didn’t complain, melting back into Haewonmak’s embrace. When the warrior just happened to glance behind him, he found Deok-chun standing there, pretending to watch the birds, until he caught her looking out of the corner of her eye. She smiled at him. He smiled back.

_Bet._

**_El Fin_ **

**Author's Note:**

> That was…really not how I intended this story to go... oh well. Thanks so much for reading! Let me know what you think :3


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